Birthday Parties
Gifts for the guests, live entertainment and restaurant tabs…are you more worried about saving for your child’s next birthday party than saving for college? Keeping up with the Jones once referred to the kind of car you drove or the house you lived in. Welcome to birthday party planning 101.
Today, trying to plan a unique event that isn’t met with the phrase “been there, done that,” is many a parent’s new struggle. Some parents claim that their child is raising the stakes, asking months in advance for a birthday party like something Martha Stewart might give.
While others say, that the real issue lies in a strong need for parents to show their child just how much she is loved. But doesn’t spending the afternoon making cupcakes together or a presenting your child with a new book for bedtime, tell your child the same thing?
Whether you are feeling the pressure to do better than your brilliant idea from last year or to out do your neighbors’ recent bash, birthday parties are creating anxiety for today’s parent not to mention today’s child.
Just because today’s parent may be more able to afford to throw the event of the season, doesn’t mean it is in the best interest of a young, potentially over stimulated, socially developing child. What your child can handle emotionally and behaviorally may be much less than you think and clearly much less than the current norm.
Long parties in a place your child isn’t familiar with; lots of other children, loud noises and even happy emotions running high are just a few of the party elements that are a set up for melt downs and blow outs. Is it enough to give your child one out-of-the-ordinary day instead of a week of fun activities, one right after the other? Is a simple get together with close family and a playmate or two, special enough?
Will your child feel loved and cherished enough if your celebration is low key and focused on what you know he can handle? The answer to all these questions is by all means, yes! In fact, if you plan and successfully execute a party that fits your child’s age and temperament, it will be quite memorable to your child. Wouldn’t it be great if after eating a piece of cake and opening a couple of presents, your child plays with the gifts he has been given?
Today, the adult driven rather than child friendly party has you spending weeks planning, but may be met with more tears and disappointment than feelings of great joy and appreciation.
PROACTIVE STRATEGIES
FOR CREATING A MEMORABLE DAY
How can you order the kind of party dreams are made of? The proactive parent plans a party that discounts what others say must happen and factors in the social, emotional and economic needs of his or her family. Be a birthday trend setter and plan your child’s next party keeping in mind what you can afford both emotionally and financially.
Keep what ever party you plan short and sweet. When little children are your guests, an hour to an hour and a half is plenty of time to supervise and managing emotions.
Know your child. Will your son do best if the activities at his party involve running and climbing at a playground? Or will he do well to sit and listen to a birthday story before playing with some play dough? Your child’s temperament and those of his invited guests will have a great deal to do with the success of the event.
Be sure and choose the right time of day, too. There is nothing harder for a young child than waiting all day for a party she is now to tired to have fun at. Generally, earlier in the day is best because your child has more reserve energy to behave in socially acceptable ways.
My favorite proactive strategy aimed at making your child’s next birthday party a success involves “playing birthday party.” Remember, your child has little experience knowing what to expect or what to do at a party. If this is her fourth birthday, then she has only had three others before, and has little ability to remember them. In advance of her party, tell her what will happen. “First, we will play outside, then we will eat cake and open presents.”
Let her know what she can expect before she is too excited or disappointed to hear you. Practice what she will say when she opens a gift, especially a gift she isn’t exactly fond of. Try not to get so caught up in the planning that you forget to prepare your child for the social expectations that accompany any kind of party. And don’t assume that just because it is supposed to be fun that your child will experience it this way. Remember, learning to behave in socially expected ways can and should be coached.
Like any social gathering, you will have work to do. Welcoming guests, serving food and watching little ones is a lot for one person to do. Be sure to ask for help from family and friends, and be specific. Inviting a friend or two isn’t the same as assigning a task. Your friends will appreciate being given a specific job such as serving cake and ice cream or sitting with the children during present opening.
A birthday is really a day to mark your child’s arrival as a member of your unique family. It is a time to reflect on the special child he is and how much you love him. Make this year’s birthday celebration one of expectations that are low and good feelings that run high. And don’t forget to take pictures, it will be over faster than you think.
Reprint with Permission