Cell Phones
Family call plans, coverage areas, unlimited text messaging, roaming charges…do these new buzz words have you spinning? Families with preteens and teens are the fastest growing group of new cell phone consumers in the US today. And millions of parents are learning just how many new discipline dilemmas are raised by joining a cell phone network. Do you feel like you are knowingly embracing the trend to give your child a cell phone or do you feel like you are getting sucked into a wireless vortex? Whether you are learning this new language voluntarily or because of the pressure from others to get connected, cell phones are definitely yet another new thing to set limits on.
Growing up with such ease when it comes to technology, this generation is fascinated with every new and trendy gadget. It’s fun to figure out just what a new phone can do. Store numbers, send email or take pictures; that is only half of what the latest model cell phones can do. No one can deny that cell phones are fun. Wasn’t one of your child’s favorite toys when she was young a plastic phone? Imagine having a real one in your very own back pocket?
Sure there is an up side to the trend toward family or even individual cell phones. There are very practical reasons why you might feel more comfortable with your child having one than not having one. Cell phones played a key role in keeping families connected during recent national tragedies. On the nightly news, you hear presidential candidates saying that a terrorist attack is inevitable and a new school shooting threat made headlines just last week. Of course, you want a reliable way to be in touch with your child. In fact, safety topped the list of reasons parents give for taking the financial plunge into adding cell phones into the family technology budget. Staying connected to new drivers, checking in before you get home from work, making sure others know about a change in plans are all good ways to use this amazing advance in technology to keep families safe.
Yet, what are the down sides to preteens and teens having cell phones? While you may think that the benefit of the safety lifeline a cell phone provides out weighs the problems…you may want to think again. Using text messages to cheat on tests, creating social plans that spin out of control and having access to drugs and sex chat lines are just a few of the red flags that should go up when you think about your child having unlimited and unsupervised access to a cell phone. Without clear limits, good modeling and financial accountability, your child may soon find that he is tempted to do things he simply couldn’t do without a line.
So, are you and your child ready for a cell phone? So much depends on your child’s age and temperament. The younger your child is, the less likely she will have the skills to make good judgments when it comes to how she uses her new phone. Can those skills be taught? Certainly, yet that depends entirely on your desire to do so proactively and then supervise accordingly. If your child is more persistent, more independent and very chatty then you can expect cell phone use to push boundaries of what is acceptable. But again, can you teach your social preteen how to accept your limits and use the phone for agreed upon reasons. But how?
Proactive parents always start by creating ground rules for potential trouble spots before those trouble spots arise. You can only maximize the positive while minimizing the negative, if you know what you consider responsible and respectful use of cell phones before you hold your child accountable. Before that cell phone seems permanently fixed to your child’s ear, talk about the do’s and don’ts of cell phone use in your family. Let your child know that having a cell phone is tied to how responsibly he can use it. Your child will get your message when following the agreed upon rules equals cell phone use and not following the plan equals bye bye cell phone. Be sure to include rules for phone use in school, at friends and in public.
Every family needs a financial plan for managing yet another expensive technology. Include your child, no matter how young in the plan for paying for the phone and the so called “unlimited minutes”. Today’s phone bill is always more than expected. With unforeseen charges for prime time or roaming a given, this is a good opportunity to teach your child how to use the phone in a responsible manner. Show him the bill each month because if he isn’t aware of the phone charges, how can he modify his behavior? And always find a way for your child to contribute to the bill. No matter how little he contributes, let him have a taste of what it feels like to pay later for the impulsive to talk now.
So, how will you know your child is ready for the responsibility? You will know your child is ready when she acts responsibly with other family ground rules. Ask yourself, how does she handle the land line? Is she on the home phone in small doses or does she monopolize the phone all evening?
What are her computer and Internet habits? The way your child handles limits with other phones or other technologies will tell you a lot about whether or not she is ready for a cell phone. Remember, she will most likely be using a cell phone with less supervision than any of the other technologies combined. So make your decision wisely. One option for gradually introducing a cell phone to your eager child is to start off with a family cell phone. This phone would be kept by you and loaned out to the person who needs it based on after school activities or who might need to call you for a ride. If your child can show good judgment in using this family phone, she might earn opportunities to use it more often. This trial period may be just the proactive strategy you need to feel certain that the time is right. It also allows your child to learn how to use this technology with your safety reasons in mind.
Technology is fun and allows us to be connected in ways previously unimaginable. If you are proactive in your planning, your child will learn to use technology wisely. When you’re proactive, you “get more”. So are you “in”?
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